Every year on my birthday I would get sick with fever after dreaming about a certain dream, it'll haunt me for days until I couldn't remember it anymore. During my bday, this dream repeats itself. But it's like, progressive? It started back when I was a child. I passed by this one street and I felt drawn to one certain house. I could not look away. It was not creepy. It was not beautiful or some sort. I just felt drawn to it. I can't remember what street it is anymore but I can still vividly remember that huge house with gardens and all. If I remember correctly, I was still a child when I first dreamt of it. I wandered through a forest, the roads before wasn't cement or asphalt but rather dirt, ground, filled with grass. The gates back then opened for me, and I was greeted by a man. I am trying to remember but it's all blurry now. I do wish everytime I dreamt of him I could sketch him down after I wake up but it never just happens and I do not understand why the dream is vivid yet his face is not. This man had me bathed, pampered and all by the maids and butlers. He would always ask me if I wanted to stay with him and I do not know why I always say yes to him. After receiving a pill from him, I would always wonder down the seemingly endless halls. It was always cloudy there, seemed like the sun never shined, it always seemed to look like it will rain. Additionally, there were no clocks nor mirror and. I do not know how many time passed by, but eventually I would ask him to let me go as I want to return to my parents. And whenever I do that, he asks me if I am sure and when I say yes the dream ends and I wake up with tears and I feel like my heart just got ripped out or something. This dream goes on for years, with the gates being opened for me. Him greeting me a happy birthday and me waking up with fever, tears and a part of me missing. I just... I wanna know what it means.
Dreams, especially recurring ones, can often represent deep-seated feelings, desires, or unresolved conflicts in our waking life. This particular dream you describe carries several significant themes and emotions that could offer insights into your inner world.
The House and the Man: The house symbolizes a place within yourself, perhaps representing safety, comfort, and the mysterious layers of your psyche. The man could be seen as a guide or a figure of authority—possibly representing your inner thoughts, feelings, or a past figure in your life. His presence may reflect a need for nurturing and care that you might seek but not fully acknowledge in your waking life.
Childhood Connection: Since the dream began in your childhood, it could suggest a longing to reconnect with your inner child or a reflection of past experiences that have significantly influenced who you are today. The man pampering you might symbolize a craving for attention or love that you felt was lacking during your formative years.
The Gloomy Environment: The cloudy atmosphere and absence of clocks or mirrors indicate a sense of timelessness or being trapped in an emotional state. It may suggest feelings of confusion or a fear of losing track of time in your life, especially concerning relationships or the passage of youth.
The Pill and the Endless Halls: Receiving a pill from the man might symbolize the acceptance of something that could alter your perception or state of being. It could represent a desire to escape or to be changed in a way that aligns with your current needs or fears. The endless halls represent exploration of the self or the search for answers, indicating that there are layers of your subconscious that are still to be explored.
The Emotional Pain of Leaving: Your recurring decision to leave the man, despite the comfort he provides, reflects an underlying tension between the desire for security and the need for independence. The emotional aftermath of waking up in tears could signify a sense of loss—perhaps the loss of innocence or the struggles of growing up and letting go of comforting parts of childhood.
Annual Recurrence: The dream reoccurring on your birthday adds a layer of significance—birthdays often represent reflection on personal growth and milestones. The fever may symbolize stress or anxiety related to this reflection, indicating how you may feel bound to certain aspects or expectations of your life during this time of year.
Altogether, this dream could be prompting you to examine areas in your life where you feel both comfort and confinement. You may want to explore your feelings regarding childhood, relationships, and your journey into adulthood. Consider journaling or engaging in creative outlets to help uncover feelings or insights related to this recurring dream, as there may be unresolved emotions or desires that you have yet to fully address.